How to resolve marital disputes; the reasons why some couples maintain a harmonious marriage even after more than 10 years.
This time, we interviewed a camper in her 40s who has been married for 10 years and has a high school-aged child.
A harmonious family doesn't mean there are no arguments. As long as you are different people, there will inevitably be times when you clash.
Even so, how can we still support each other?
Hopefully, this will give you some ideas on how to overcome marital arguments.
• Listening carefully to each other is of paramount importance.
Contents of this article
Reasons for a harmonious marriage
People often tell my husband and I that we have a great relationship.
You could dismiss it as mere politeness, but judging from the relationships between them, I do think they're somewhat on good terms.
I think that's probably because they value listening to others.
How to resolve marital disputes
When my wife and I argue, her anger often lasts for a long time.
If I stay angry for too long, I suddenly become calm and start looking at the argument objectively, and it seems so ridiculous that I start to laugh. But if I actually laugh, the argument won't stop, so I make sure not to laugh.
As I calm down, I find myself able to accept my wife's rambling, angry words. After listening to everything she has to say, I then express my own feelings by saying, "Isn't it more like this?"
However, the other person, whose temper is still hot, won't calm down easily, insisting, "That's not true!" This goes on for a while.
What I value most here is accepting more than you expect to be accepted. It's something that seems easy but is actually very difficult.
It would be easy when you're calm, but it's not easy when your mind is troubled. That's why it's important to stay calm.
It's difficult to recognize when you're feeling emotional, but if you can't calm down, take some time to calm yourself down.
I want to cherish what my wife is trying so hard to tell me. Words are the foundation of communication.
Words are difficult things; we can't even express half of what we're thinking. And by the time those words get carried through the air and reach the other person's heart, they've been conveyed in a completely different way.
That's why we fight so many times, talk so many times, and gradually come to understand each other. It's really just little by little, but we don't give up and keep talking.
My wife's angry words are filled with things that I need to change and improve, which serve as valuable lessons for my own growth.
I accept this and offer words of encouragement to my wife, urging her to grow as a person, telling her what I want her to be and what I want her to change.
Causes of marital disputes
In my case, arguments usually start with me saying, "You shouldn't say it like that."
Then my wife says, "That's not what I meant," to which I retort, "Then what did you mean?" and the argument escalates into a tit-for-tat exchange. We're both getting heated up, and I get annoyed and end up saying things I don't really mean, and the situation gets out of control.
The conversation jumps around so much that it's hard to remember where it all started, and sometimes I even forget what I was trying to say. This back-and-forth of harsh words is the root cause of our stalemates.
I think it's difficult to completely eliminate this issue, so how you resolve conflicts when they arise becomes crucial.
Why is it important to listen to what the other person has to say?
I mentioned that listening is important when it comes to resolving marital disputes.
The reason why listening to the other person is important is that when we argue, I try my best to express my feelings to my wife, and she also tries her best to talk to me.
That's right, we're both trying our best to communicate. If it were just a workplace connection or a one-off relationship, we could just complain behind each other's backs, saying things like, "That person said this and that," or "That person is so hard to understand."
But they are husband and wife. They vowed to be together in sickness and in wealth.
If someone you care about is struggling to express their feelings, you should reach out to them. Let's listen to each other calmly.
Each argument strengthens the bond between husband and wife.
Since you've both vowed to walk through life together as a couple, you should strive to have a relationship where you don't belittle each other, but instead nurture each other's strengths and complement each other's weaknesses, allowing you to grow together.
The key is to talk. Express what you're thinking to the best of your ability.
If you can understand and accept their feelings, you will become stronger, your relationship will improve, and the bond between you will grow stronger.
Marital arguments can be an opportunity for mutual growth and strengthen family bonds. Let's all strive to maintain a happy home.
