In this article, I interviewed a family about their struggles.
Here's an example of how a family of three with a child dealt with their problems and found solutions. While every family has different struggles, it's important for families to work together to find solutions.
・An example of how to face your complexes
My Family's Circumstances
In my family, I, the main breadwinner, developed depression about 15 years ago. After repeated hospitalizations, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia a year and a half later and haven't returned to work since.
How did we manage? Well, there's a disability pension system. Since I was enrolled in厚生年金 (employees' pension insurance) when I developed the illness, I received a minimum income. In addition to that, my wife went out to work, so we somehow managed to make ends meet.
Consideration for My Child
Having grown up poor myself, I didn't want my child to experience the same feelings of "not having money." So, I tried my best not to let him feel that way.
Of course, I didn't just give him everything he wanted, whether it was clothes or games. Considering our daily life, and sometimes combining it with his allowance, I tried to ensure he could live a normal life.
My Disability in My Child's Eyes
He was very young when I developed the illness, I think around 18 months old, so he has never seen me working.
Perhaps because of that, he fortunately accepted my disability naturally. When his friends asked him about his father's job, he would simply say "he doesn't work" without seemingly feeling any inferiority.
Growing Up in Poverty
He attended a selective high school, but when it came time to decide his path, he said he wanted to "get a job and help with the household finances."
Perhaps as he entered adolescence, he gradually became aware of our family's circumstances.
Even so, when my wife and I encouraged him to pursue further education, he said, "It's certainly better to have money, I understand that. But it's not like having it automatically makes everything good. As I got older, I gradually understood that we didn't have much money. Still, I was happy. It's about how you use it, isn't it? I want happy money."
While I was proud of his growth, I also blamed myself for making him think about such things.
A Father's View of the Father Figure in His Child's Heart
What would have happened if I had shown him the "normal father figure"?
Leaving the house with his child in the morning, coming home late, handing his salary to his mother at the end of the month, and giving his child pocket money.
I couldn't do that.
To avoid accumulating stress, I took walks almost every day, and when I felt unwell and heavy, I would just sleep.
How did he feel seeing me like that?
That you can eat without working, that you don't have to force yourself to go to the office, that you can just do what you like.
Perhaps he felt that way.
Discrepancy with the Ideal Father Figure, Future Prospects
I couldn't show him the value of working. I couldn't teach him the importance of being employed.
What impact will that have when he steps into the waves of society, what will he think, and how will he overcome it?
I can't give advice. However, I intend to think with him, endure, and appeal. I, outside the waves of society, and he, within the waves, will strive for bright days so that everyone will know that we are here.
Solution ~Expressing Your Feelings~
To those who have read this far, I believe you likely have your own struggles and are looking for a breakthrough.
You feel your feelings aren't understood, or you can't respond to someone else's feelings.
In such times—no, especially in such times—try reaching out. Talk about it.
Not just pretty words, but all the failures and regrets you don't want to talk about.
Listen, and once accepted, unleash the full extent of your feelings.
Emotions might run high, and it might even turn into an argument.
Don't be afraid. Within those heightened words, fragments of feelings are mixed in like gold dust.
Gather them up, and they will surely emit a dazzling light.
