5 Events That Taught Me the Importance of Family

5 Events That Taught Me the Importance of Family

This article was written by a man in his 40s with a wife and child.

・5 Events That Taught Me the Importance of Family

What kind of relationship do you have with your family?
Are you truly facing each other, and can you talk from your heart?
In this article, I will share experiences that made me feel the importance of family.

As time accumulates, both good and bad things increase. Sometimes we only remember the bad things, but that's why the good memories stand out.
This is the 18-year journey of our marriage. I hope it can be of some reference.

・Child's Entrance Exam and Announcement of Results

My son's high school entrance exam; he pushed himself a little.
On the day of the exam, he said he "gave it his all," so I felt it was up to fate. But as the announcement approached, my stomach started to churn.
I wasn't nervous at all for my own exams, but as a parent, I realized this is what it feels like, and it made me feel like I was being confronted with my own past unfilial behavior.

On the day of the announcement, my son and I went to see the results together, and we shared the best high-five of our lives.
When I called my wife and parents, who were waiting for the good news at home, their voices exploded with joy.

I also cried in a corner of the venue.
I don't know if they were tears of relief or joy, but I've become more easily moved to tears since my child was born.
At every graduation and entrance ceremony, I feel their growth, and in the midst of child-rearing filled with anxieties, I feel like I've received a certificate from my own parents saying, "You've raised them so well."

Before turning off the lights and getting into bed, my wife and I simultaneously said, "Congratulations."
My son, in a sleepy voice, said, "Thank you," and my wife started crying again.
Of course, it was his own effort, but it was also a high school entrance exam that we overcame by being considerate of each other.

Not only the result of passing, but our child learned that there is great joy after effort, and we, as parents, reconfirmed that.
And family taught me that joy grows when you have people to share it with.

・Family Support

Everyone has things they're not good at.
Like reading instruction manuals for electronics, or managing the household budget at the end of the month.
There are things my wife isn't good at but I am, and things she can do but I can't. At such times, I'm glad she's there.

And then, there are things we're both not good at.
Like application forms.
When complicated wording and calculation fields are mixed, we're both stumped.

When we finish writing them after discussing it together, we can honestly say "thank you" to each other.
I need this person. I feel needed by this person.

・Reflecting on Memories

Soon after getting married, we focused on aligning our values, but after having children, life revolves entirely around them.
The first laugh, standing up, walking, making a friend cry, entering kindergarten, graduating. Each time, we rejoice, worry, and our hearts are filled with overwhelming emotions.

As time passes, we say, "They were so small then," and "It's graduation already." Time flies by so quickly, and we ourselves get older and stop fighting, and we come to accept everything about this person, good and bad.
When I think about why that is, it's because we understood each other through every fight, and the accumulated time became growth, strengthening our bond.
I want to continue walking together, carrying both the good and the sad things.

・The Unspoken "Good Luck"

When I fell ill and was hospitalized for about half a year, lost my job, recuperated at home, and then found new employment, my wife rejoiced as if no husband could ever be so happy.
She cried copious tears and said, "That's wonderful, that's wonderful."

But looking back now, she never said "Good luck." Surely she swallowed the words that were at the tip of her tongue, so as not to put unnecessary pressure on me.
I realized this when our child was struggling to adjust to a new environment, and we were crying together.

I had said "Good luck," but my wife never uttered those words.
I now feel it wasn't just consideration or kindness, but compassion.

・When They Listen to Mundane Stories

Either my wife or I, whoever gets home earlier, brews coffee and waits for the other to arrive.
Then we talk about what happened at work that day. The good things and the bad things.
That's why my wife and I don't go out for drinks after work to complain.

While we can't always advise each other, for the duration of a cup of coffee, we simply listen to each other's stories and are listened to.
The reason we don't offer advice is because we feel that the other person is surely rooting for us deep down.
You could call it a sense of security; knowing you have an absolute ally gives you courage. It makes you want to try again.

・What is Family in the Present Day?

In current-day Japan, salaries aren't rising, employment isn't stable, and natural disasters could strike at any time. In such an uncertain era, family is who supports you without considering gain or loss.
When a family member is in a bind, it's the resolve to unconditionally trust and stand by them, the readiness to be unconditionally trusted, and the continuous effort to be worthy of that trust.

Isn't there a lack of such relationships where these things can be felt without being explicitly stated?
While it's true that some things need to be said to be understood, in the context of family, that sense of trust is comforting, and I believe home should be a place where one wants to return.

・Challenges for Families Living in the Present

・Spread of COVID-19

As spring approached, news of the new coronavirus began to trickle in.
Gradually, infections were reported in Japan, and eventually, a case appeared in my town, creating tension in our household, where my elderly parents live with us.
With schools closed due to the state of emergency, my son was home for a long time and felt gloomy. My wife was also instructed by her workplace to report any outings beyond the neighboring town, restricting her movement.
My grandmother was flustered and agitated.

When the public unrest spread to our home, and an uneasy atmosphere prevailed, my grandfather and I remained silent, resolved to protect our family from any disturbance, no matter what happened.
My wife cooked meals daily, managed household chores, and stayed by my grandmother's side.
Each of us, in our own roles, acted independently and with consideration for each other, striving not to be, or cause, upset.

However, when I watch the news, I hear voices saying it's hard to prepare meals for children, or that the extended time spent with family is painful.
At a time like this, which is said to be a national crisis unprecedented since the war, shouldn't families whose hearts have drifted apart come together? And if families who thought they were united realize they actually aren't,
isn't this an opportunity to reconsider things?

・Economic Downturn

With the increasing number of patients, a state of emergency was declared, consumption stagnated, stock prices fell to their lowest since the Lehman shock, posing a global economic crisis, and a new economic model is being questioned.
Social distancing is practiced, people keep their distance when queuing, acrylic partitions separate people at counters, and television appearances are remote.
Industries related to construction, where teleworking is not possible, are relatively less affected, but there appears to be a noticeable decrease in construction orders due to the postponement of the Olympic Games.

However, in this unprecedented crisis, if we Japanese, and indeed people around the world, treat our neighbors as we would cherish ourselves, we can surely overcome it and build a new economic model.
Love your friends as you love your family.
Selfless rather than selfish motives will be increasingly necessary from now on.

・Increase in Divorce and Unmarried Rates

Looking at the image of couples in the Showa era, one often sees fathers being rough, mothers enduring, and protecting their children.
When I asked my elderly mother, "Why didn't you leave him?", she replied, "If I had money, I would have a long time ago."
There was certainly social pressure, but above all, the inability to be economically independent prevented mothers at that time from seeking divorce.

With the enforcement of the Equal Employment Opportunity Law, women's participation in society gradually increased, making it possible for them to live independently. It became possible to have children and live without necessarily relying on a man's income.
If one can be self-sufficient, there's no need to endure for the sake of protecting children. The trend of caring about public perception has also faded.
I believe that women who have taken on responsible positions with their advancement in society, observing their friends' marital lives and weighing the fulfillment of work against becoming a housewife or balancing both family and career, are losing interest in marriage.
Although gradually, with the increase in men taking paternity leave, society as a whole is moving towards systems that make it easier to maintain a family, but it still lags behind other countries.

A system where women can feel secure in their family life is needed.
I want to be the kind of man who makes women feel secure and want to embrace family life.

・Summary

I have discussed everything from the joy of having a family to the nature of family in modern society.
Behind the joy lies hardship that one may not be consciously aware of.
The reason for not being aware is that at each moment, I consider what would make my wife and children happy, keep them smiling, and help them grow more.
Because I am certain that joy awaits beyond that, I don't perceive it as hardship.

Behind the joy, there is also regret. I often think, if only I had done this then, could I have done more?
However, I am content with everything, including the regrets. That's because it's the result of agonizing to the fullest and making the maximum effort at the time.
In all matters, results are everything. However, in the case of family, under a mutual relationship of trust, if a hand has made a decision, it should be respected. Because I am confident that the other person accepts me, sadness is halved and joy is doubled. I believe that is the greatest meaning of having a partner.

As touched upon in the section about divorce and unmarried rates, with the remarkable advancement of women in society today, marriage is not necessarily the only form of partnership.

If you can respect each other, there's no need to be bound by social relationships. The most important thing is that you and your partner can grow.
In an unpredictable era, I want to be someone who is relied upon.