5 things that taught me the importance of family

Five events that taught me the importance of family

This article was written by a man in his 40s who has a wife and children.

Five events that taught me the importance of family

What kind of relationship do you have with your family?
Are we truly facing the situation head-on? Are we able to communicate from the heart?
This article shares an experience that made me realize the importance of family.

As time passes, both good and bad things accumulate, and it's often the bad things that we remember, but that's precisely why the good memories stand out.
This is a record of our 18-year journey as a couple. We hope you find it helpful.

- Children's entrance exams and announcement of results

I pushed myself a little too hard for my son's high school entrance exams.
On the day of the exam, the student said they had "given it their all," and I felt like the rest was up to fate, but as the announcement date approached, my stomach started to churn.
I wasn't nervous at all when it was my turn, but now that I'm in the position of a parent, I've been confronted with the realization of how unfilial I was.

On the day of the announcement, my son and I went to see it together, and we had the best high-five of our lives.
When I called my wife and parents, who were waiting for the good news at their home, their voices were filled with explosive joy.

I also ended up crying in a corner of the venue.
I'm not sure if they were tears of relief or tears of joy, but I've become much more emotional since my child was born.
Each time a child graduates from kindergarten or school, you feel their growth, and it's like parents receive an award for having raised them so well, despite the anxieties that often come with parenting.

Before getting into bed and turning off the lights, my wife and I both said "Congratulations" at the same time.
My son said "Thank you" in a sleepy voice, and my wife started crying again.
While the students' efforts were certainly a factor, the high school entrance exams were also overcome through mutual consideration and support.

The child learned that there is great joy to be found not only in passing the exam, but also in the effort put in, and the parents were able to reaffirm this.
My family also taught me that joy grows when you share it with others.

Family mutual support

Everyone has something they're not good at.
Reading instruction manuals for electrical appliances, managing household finances at the end of the month, and so on.
My wife isn't good at it, but I am; she can do it, but when I try, it doesn't go well. At times like that, I'm so glad to have this person by my side.

Also, there's something that both of us are not good at.
These are application documents.
When difficult-to-understand text and calculations are combined, and both of these are areas I'm not good at, I'm completely lost.

When we finish writing it together, discussing it as we go, we can honestly say "thank you" to each other.
I need this person. I feel like this person needs me.

Looking back on memories

In the early stages of marriage, couples focus on aligning their values, but once they have children, their lives revolve entirely around their kids.
The first time they laughed, stood up, walked, made a friend cry, entered kindergarten, graduated. Each time, I felt joy, worry, and a heavy heart.

As time goes by, you'll find yourself saying things like, "They were so small back then," and "They've graduated already," and before you know it, time has passed. You'll grow older, stop fighting, and come to accept everything about the other person, including their good and bad points.
When I think about why that is, it's because each time we argued, we came to understand each other better, and the time we spent together helped us grow and strengthened our bond.
I want to continue walking this path together, carrying both the good and the sad.

- The silent "Good luck"

When I fell ill and was hospitalized for about six months, lost my job, and then found a new job after recovering at home, my husband was overjoyed—even though he's my husband.
She shed tears and said, "That's wonderful, that's wonderful."

But now that I think about it, I didn't actually say "do your best." I'm sure I swallowed the words that were on the tip of my tongue so as not to put any unnecessary pressure on them.
I realized this when my child was struggling to adjust to a new environment, and I cried along with them.

I kept saying "Keep going," but my wife never said those words to me.
I now feel that it's not about being considerate, nor is it kindness, but rather about being thoughtful.

When they listen to me talk about anything and everything

Either my wife or I, whoever gets home first, brews coffee and waits for the other person to arrive.
Then I'll talk about what happened at work that day—both the good and the bad.
That's why my husband and I don't go out for drinks after work to vent our frustrations.

We can't really give each other advice, but we simply listen to each other while we have a cup of coffee.
The reason they don't offer any advice is because they have a feeling that deep down they are supporting you.
You could call it a sense of security; knowing you have an absolute ally gives you courage. It makes you want to keep going.

What does family mean in today's world?

In present-day Japan, wages aren't rising, employment is unstable, and natural disasters could strike at any time. In such uncertain times, family is the only thing that can help each other without regard for personal gain or loss.
The determination to unconditionally trust and stand by someone in the family when they are in trouble, the readiness to be trusted unconditionally, and the daily efforts to earn that trust.

Perhaps we lack relationships where we can experience those things without having to say them out loud.
While there's some truth to the idea that things won't be understood unless you say them out loud, I believe that in the home, that sense of trust should be comforting, and it should be a place you want to return to.

Challenges for families living in the present day

- The spread of the novel coronavirus

As spring approached, we started hearing scattered news about the coronavirus.
Gradually, cases of infection were reported in Japan, and eventually, there were infected people in my town, causing tension in my home where I live with my elderly parents.
Due to the school closures caused by the state of emergency, my son has been at home for extended periods and has become depressed. My wife's workplace has also imposed a requirement to report any travel outside of the neighboring town, which has restricted her outings.
My grandmother is panicking and running around in confusion.

When the turmoil in the world spread to our home and an uneasy atmosphere settled over us, my grandfather and I remained silent, unfazed by whatever happened, determined to protect our family through our actions.
My wife cooks meals every day, does the housework, and takes care of my grandmother.
Each of us acted autonomously within our own circumstances, showing consideration for one another to avoid causing or disturbing others.

However, when I watch the news, I hear people saying things like, "It's so hard to prepare meals for my kids," or "It's painful to spend so much time with my family."
At a time like this, which is said to be the greatest national crisis since the Great War, isn't it time for families whose hearts have drifted apart to come together? Perhaps families that we thought were one...
If you've realized that this isn't actually the case, perhaps this is a chance to reconsider things.

- Deterioration of the economy

The increase in the number of patients has led to the declaration of a state of emergency, consumer activity has stagnated, and stock prices have fallen to their largest level since the Lehman Shock, putting the global economy in crisis and raising questions about the future of the economy.
Social distancing is maintained, people are spaced apart when queuing, acrylic panels separate people across the counter, and television appearances are done remotely.
While the construction industry, which cannot implement teleworking, is relatively unaffected, it appears that there has been a considerable decrease in construction orders due to the postponement of the Olympics.

However, if we Japanese, and indeed people all over the world, treat our neighbors with the same love and care we give to ourselves, even in the face of this unprecedented crisis, I believe we can overcome it and create a new form of economy.
Love your friends the way you love your family.
From now on, altruism, rather than self-interest, will become increasingly necessary.

- Increase in divorce and unmarried rates

When we look at images of couples from the Showa era, we often see fathers who were violent, mothers who endured, and mothers who protected their children.
When I asked my elderly mother, "Why didn't you break up with him?", she replied, "If I had the money, I would have done so a long time ago."
There was probably concern about appearances, but above all, my inability to be financially independent was what prevented my mother from going through with the divorce at the time.

With the enactment of the Equal Employment Opportunity Law, women's participation in society gradually increased, making it possible for them to lead independent lives, and it became possible for them to have children and support themselves without a man's income.
If you can support yourself, there's no need to endure hardship to protect your children. The trend of worrying about appearances has also diminished.
I believe that women who have entered the workforce and taken on responsible positions may be losing interest in marriage after seeing and hearing about the married lives of their friends, and considering the fulfillment they find in their work versus becoming a housewife or balancing work and family life.
While there are gradual efforts to create a system that makes it easier to maintain a family, such as an increase in men taking paternity leave, we still lag behind other countries.

We need a system that allows women to enter the home with peace of mind.
I want to be the kind of man that women feel safe and secure enough to settle down and start a family with.

·summary

We have discussed everything from the joy of having a family to the nature of family in modern society.
Behind every moment of joy, there are struggles that we ourselves are not even aware of.
The reason I say I'm not consciously thinking about it is because I'm always thinking based on what will make my wife and children happy, able to smile, and able to grow as individuals.
I don't see it as hardship because I'm confident that joy awaits me on the other side.

Behind the joy, there is also regret. I think about what I could have done better if I had done things differently at that time.
However, I accept everything, including the disappointment. That's because it was the result of agonizing over it to the fullest and putting in my utmost effort at the time.
In life, the outcome is everything. However, in family matters, if a decision is made based on mutual trust, then it should be respected. When you have confidence that your partner will accept you, sadness is halved and joy is doubled. I believe that is the greatest meaning of having a partner.

As I mentioned in the section on divorce and being single, with the remarkable advancement of women in society these days, marriage is not necessarily the only way to be in a relationship with a partner.

If we can respect each other, there's no need to be bound by social relationships. What's most important is that both you and the other person can grow.
In these uncertain times, I want to be someone that others can rely on.