Things aren't going well with my family. How should I deal with this situation?
- You will learn how to interact with your family.
Contents of this article
It's normal to experience difficulties in your family relationships. So, how do you resolve these issues? Let's consider the problems and possible solutions.
No one feels that everything is going well with their family.
We were looking forward to a fun family trip, but then we got stuck in traffic and got into a fight over something we'd forgotten.
It's precisely when everyone is getting along and having fun that arguments sometimes break out over trivial things.
It's common for bad things to happen after good things, and these things pile up, making you easily irritated by even small things, and your heart becomes corroded with distrust.
You start to think, "This is only temporary," and you can't fully enjoy the fun time.
• Problems with their children from a parent's perspective
Perhaps this is true of all teenagers, but they don't immediately try to do what they're told.
"Wait a minute, let me look at this first," he said, not getting up.
Not only with studying, but also with bathing and eating, she responds with a single word every time I say something and doesn't move immediately.
It's fine when I'm at home, but I'm constantly worried that I might be doing that when I'm in a group setting or visiting someone else's home.
It may seem like a trivial matter, but it's incredibly irritating.
Problems with parents from a child's perspective
From a young age, I constantly told my child to "think for yourself and make your own decisions," and I provided them with criteria, materials, and methods for making judgments whenever the opportunity arose.
Then, from around the upper grades of elementary school, my husband and I decided to respect our child's wishes as much as possible.
When he once told me he wanted to become a YouTuber, I talked it over with my wife and we agreed, saying, "If that's what he wants to do."
However, after some time had passed, he asked me, "Why didn't you object?"
When I said, "If you want to do it of your own volition, I will fully and wholeheartedly support you," she seemed half pleased, but also kind of wished I had opposed it.
Perhaps, because they were only trying to respect the person's wishes, the person felt that they weren't being cared for and wanted someone to flatly oppose them with a "What kind of nonsense are you talking about?"
marital problems
I've been with my wife for about 25 years, including the time we were dating.
While we were dating, I enjoyed the differences in our values as we grew closer, but men are generally romantics and love presents and surprises.
However, women (especially my wife) are extremely pragmatic. If I give them a present, they're not happy, saying, "This isn't what I wanted," and if I surprise them, they complain, "You've wasted money." (This year's wedding anniversary present was a renewal of her TSUTAYA card.)
Furthermore, it's quite difficult to get women to understand a man's romantic ideals, and when I ask them for advice about something I want, they almost always say, "It has to be that one."
What started as enjoyable negotiations about shared values can, as married life progresses, simply become a source of frustration, and this accumulation of frustration can eventually explode into a huge fight.
Even though we both share the understanding that we want to get along.
・Temporary solution
If you realize you've done something wrong, apologize sincerely. That's all there is to it.
Initially, I might blame the other person and vent my frustrations, but since I might also be partly to blame, I end up apologizing if I think the situation is going to drag on.
Then, I try to change the subject to something more pleasant, like, "I heard that ramen shop over there is really good," or "I heard the view from XX is really beautiful," and I talk about it as if nothing happened, waiting for the other person to forget about it.
It won't be a fundamental solution, but at least the storm will subside.
• Solutions I want to try
(Present the desired solution)
There's only one way to resolve a fight: [Talk it out.]
We often say things like, "That person won't understand even if you explain it to them," or "That's just the kind of person they are," to our friends, or sometimes even our own children. But that's just gossiping and doesn't solve anything.
It might just make the situation worse, but it's important to express your feelings.
And sometimes you might feel like saying, "That's not what I meant."
That wasn't my intention. You might be right, though.
However, I don't know what her intentions were when she said it, but whenever I argue with my wife, I bring up the point that "it's irresponsible to blame the recipient for words being distorted in the process of being perceived by the other person."
If this were a workplace conflict or a fight between drunk people, it would end without incident.
However, we are husband and wife. We are a family.
In a world where mutual understanding is difficult, within the smallest human relationships—family—we must use every word we have to communicate.
With that premise in mind, the recipient can listen attentively to what the other person is trying to communicate.
When you feel that the other person is listening intently, you will also focus on how you communicate.
That forms the foundation upon which a desire to understand each other begins to sprout.
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