Trouble with your family? Here's how to deal with it.

When things aren't going well with family, how should you deal with it?

Everyone experiences times when things aren't going well with their family. How should we resolve such situations? Let's consider the problems and solutions.

・No one feels that everything is going well with their family.

A fun family trip, ready to go, then traffic jams cause irritation, and forgotten items lead to arguments.
It often happens that even during joyful times when everyone is getting along, minor issues can lead to squabbles.

It's common for bad things to happen after good things, and these accumulate, causing us to snap at minor things, and our hearts become corroded by distrust.
We start thinking, "This is only temporary," and can no longer genuinely enjoy the good times.

・Parent's perspective on children's issues

Perhaps it's typical for teenagers, but they often don't do what they're told right away.
They'll say, "Just a minute, let me watch this first," and won't get up.

Whether it's studying, bathing, or eating, every time you tell them something, they talk back and don't move immediately.
It's fine when they're at home, but I worry endlessly that they might behave the same way in group settings or when visiting other people's homes.
It might seem trivial, but it's very frustrating.

・Child's perspective on parent's issues

Since they were young, I've always told them to "think for yourself and make your own decisions," and I've provided criteria, materials, and methods for making decisions at every opportunity.
Then, around the upper elementary grades, my wife and I decided to respect his will as much as possible.
One time, when he said he wanted to be a YouTuber, my wife and I discussed it and gave him our "okay" because "if he wants to do it."
However, some time later, he asked me, "Why didn't you object?"

When I told him, "If you genuinely want to do something, I'll support you fully and wholeheartedly," he seemed half-happy but also wished I had objected a little.
By always deferring to his wishes, he might have felt ignored, and perhaps he wanted me to flatly object with something like, "What a ridiculous idea."

・Marital issues

My wife and I have been together for about 25 years, including the time we were dating.
I used to enjoy the "differences in values" we felt when we were dating as part of the process of getting closer, but men, after all, are romantics and love presents and surprises.
However, women (especially my wife) are extremely pragmatic. If I give her a gift, she doesn't appreciate it, saying "This isn't what I wanted," and if I plan a surprise event, she might say, "You wasted money." (This year's wedding anniversary gift was a renewal of her TSUTAYA card.)

Also, it's often difficult for women to understand a man's romance, and whenever I consult her about something I want, she almost always says, "Does it have to be that?"
The fun of aligning our values, as our marriage lengthens, simply becomes a source of frustration, and the accumulation of these frustrations eventually explodes into a big fight.
Even though we both share the common understanding that we want to get along.

・Temporary solutions

If you think you're wrong, apologize honestly. That's all there is to it.
Even if the other person was initially at fault and you expressed your dissatisfaction, you might also be partly responsible, so if it looks like it will drag on, I apologize.

Then, I try to change the subject to something pleasant, saying things like, "I heard that ramen shop over there is delicious," or "The view from ○○ is supposedly really beautiful," and talk as if nothing happened, waiting for the other person to forget.
It's not a fundamental solution, but it calms the storm for now.

・Solutions to try

(Presenting the ideal solution)
There is only one way to resolve an argument: by talking.
It's easy to say to friends, or even our own children, "That person won't listen no matter what I say," or "That's just the way they are," but that's just gossiping and won't solve anything.
Sometimes it makes the spark even bigger, but it's about speaking your mind.
And then, sometimes you want to say, "I didn't mean it that way."

I didn't mean it that way. That might be true.
However, I don't know what feelings were behind the words, but every time I argue with my wife, I bring up the point of "how irresponsible it is to blame the receiver when the spoken words get distorted in the process of being perceived by the other person."
If this were a workplace dynamic or a fight between drunken people, it would all be resolved without incident.
But we are a married couple. We are family.

In a world where understanding each other is difficult, within the smallest human relationship that is family, we must use every word we can to communicate.
With that premise, the receiver can also listen to what the other person is trying to convey.
If the speaker feels that the other person is listening intently, they will also focus on how they communicate.
This forms the foundation, and the desire to understand each other begins to sprout.

For those who absolutely want to resolve their worries immediately, telephone fortune-telling is also popular.

It can be used for just a few hundred yen, so if you're tired of worrying alone, you might want to give it a try.

See details of Coconala's phone fortune-telling